iamjudygarland

Suck it 2008!!!!!

2008-12-31T18:23:40Z

As I sit here at work today I’ve been compiling a list of all the good and bad things that I can think of over the past year. I’ve also been thinking about the future and what I’d like to do in the New Year. Nothing much but I thought I’d share:

Bad things in 2008 include:

- Being laid off

- Having my doctor tell me that he thinks I might have a brain tumor, going to two different specialists just to find out I need glasses….

- Being the victim of a hate crime

Some of the good things are:

- Going to my first presidential rally (tear)

- Getting closer to my friends

- Going to my first concert with my brother (ps- Billy Joel and Elton John are touring together)

But I’m looking forward to 2009 and here are the things I plan on doing:
-          I would like to go on a diet. Not a big thing but watching what I’m eating
-          Go back to school
-          Pay off some of the debt I accrued while I was laid off
-          Watch less TV
-          Act more, as in theater (I’m done doing porn)
-          Date more/Hook up less (keep your fingers crossed *this does exclude Taylor’s cherry)
-          And be more active in the gay community. I feel that I’m the type of person that people can get along with fairly easily and I want to use my “popularity” to help my fellow queer. (Insert sex joke here)

So there you go! Suck it 2008 and let’s bring in 2009 with a hang over!

Just to funny...

2008-10-27T23:23:06Z

Heard about this on the Morning Zoo......

My Fav part is at 18 seconds when someone actually says 'Chewbacca' hehe....
Guy get's tasered and.... Chewbacca?

Copied from claussendunce.....

2008-10-10T18:14:42Z

GO TO URBANDICTIONARY. COM AND TYPE IN YOUR ANSWER TO EACH QUESTION IN THE SEARCH BOX. THEN WRITE THE DEFINITION IT GIVES YOU.

NAME:Josh
1.The kind of guy who doesn't get labelled. He gets made fun of all day long and can still come home and call it a good day. A great guy who's real easy to get along with. He's very smart in the ways of the street and in the ways of the school but is in no way considered a "Nerd"
2.A boyfriend who cooks, cleans, pays, and drives. A Joshua

AGE:23
1. The greatest number of all time

ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS: Dannon
1. dannon isn't defined yet

THE STREET YOU LIVE ON: 8th ave.
1. 3.5 grams of bud 20 to 50 dollars depending on quality

FAV. COLOR: Red
1. a communist
2. Flavor of kool-aid to a black person.

THE TOWN YOUR FROM: Marion
1. A place where this is nothing to do. Marion is the equivilant to sticking your pinky up(spongebob).

YOUR BIRTH MONTH: September
1. a month were girls are more likely to give blowjobs.
2. during september girls will likely come to your house just to give u head

WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING?!?!

2008-07-29T17:41:51Z

SO my brother asked me to be his best man at his wedding. That same day I went ahead and started writing my ‘best mans toast’. I wanted to post it on here so that I could get peoples feed back since I’ve never had to do anything like this and don’t want to f*ck it up….

So for your consideration I give you…. THE TOAST:

**For as long as I can remember my brother has been a foundation of my life. When he left to go to Iraq I couldn’t believe the burden and hole in my life and heart. I turned to friends at school to fill this void but none of them could match my brother.

When he came back my brother had become a man. We had both grown and matured to levels I couldn’t image. Ok who the hell am I kidding, he grew and matured, and just like all my life, I would start to follow my brothers lead. After time I had started to notice that he was showing signs of an empty heart much the way I turned to friends in high school but this was deeper. Call it a baby brother hunch but I could tell he was looking for someone that could forever fill that burden.

I’ll never forget the first time I met Becky I thought to myself: “she’s not good enough”. I thought that as only a pair of Diamond brothers that always looked out for each other. But over time I would fall for her too, not only because she’s a smart, caring and amazing women but because I’ve never seen my brother more happy when she walks into a room. A smile hits his face that shines so bright and is full of joy and love that it would make the sun jealous from the happiness beaming from it.

So I raise a glass to Becky and Justin on this amazing day knowing that she’s more that good enough, that they will never think of each other as burdens and will always fill that void in each others hearts which will be the solid foundation there love will stand on for the rest of there lives. **

Ok so there you go. I was thinking about saying something else at the end about ‘Please welcome our newest family member’ or something gay like that. Comments are welcome….

Estelle...

2008-07-22T23:25:28Z

Ok I LOVE the girls. It's one of the funniest shows of all time and will be around for a long long time.......

But I saw this and I'm sorry this is just INSANE and just way to funny........

RIP ESTELLE and thank you for some of the best one liners in TV history!!!

Let's talk about race!!!

2008-07-11T19:19:39Z

Senator Obama says that we should have a talk about race. I think this video will get the ball rolling. Watch the video and don‘t tell me that this is clearly racist!!!

http://www.myfoxdfw.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail?contentId=6953163&version=5&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=1.1.1

To Funny!!!

2008-07-10T19:26:44Z

Was chatting with Teague last night and he found this video, to funny!!!

iamjudygarland @ 2008-06-23T19:24:00

2008-06-23T23:32:37Z

I've got from being upset to just plain sad. 2 of the funniest stand up routines I’ve ever heard: 7 words you can't say on TV and Baseball vs. Football. George Carlin you will truly be missed....

Here ya go...

2008-06-21T20:55:44Z

So as some of you know from my dramatic voice mail/text messages there was a situation last night. I'm posting this on here not for attention but so everyone will know what happened without me having to tell the tale 3402840923840282358 times.

Last night was the skate for life fundraiser for CATF. After everyone started to leave, that I knew, I decided to go up the highway one more exit to my old watering hole. It was a lot of fun to see the old regulars and say hi to everyone. As the bar was starting to clear out I headed to my car.

A girl in the group in front of me turned around as we were leaving and smiled. Being the friendly gay that I am I smiled back and asked if she had a goodnight. "Oh yeah I sure did" she replied. Then out of no where her boyfriend turned and snapped at me and yelling told me not to talk to his girlfriend that way. I told her that I was sorry and he had nothing to worry about. "I'm as gay as the day is long" I told him.

With people in his group laughing I got in my car. I put on my seatbelt, rolled down my window and then out of no where the guy that had yelled at me was now hitting me. He was beating me over and over and over hitting me at least 8 or 9 times until I blacked out. When I came too I don't remember if it was his girlfriend of another girl was in my car yelling at some guy that I didn't do anything. She just kept saying that over again and again that I didn't do anything. I was scared to the point I started to cry. The girl started to get upset when the guy told me that I was a pussy and needed to take it like a man. I said "A pussy hits someone in there car where they can't defend themselves, that's a pussy." He then grabbed the girl and told her they were leaving.

I've done things in my past that I have to say I could of been hit for, but I did nothing to deserve this other than being proud of who I am. I have to say I don't know how I feel: There's the physical pain of a swollen lip, eye and bruises all over but it's the way I feel that is confusing me. I have this hollow feeling that makes me feel scared but I know I'm safe.

WTF

SICK

2008-06-03T07:01:06Z

So I've been home sick all weekend and I just happened to find this clip. I remembered when if firsted aired and everytime I watch it I can't stop laughing...

LOVE IT!!!

2008-05-30T23:07:24Z

This is some HOT SHIT!!!

Morman sang what?

2008-05-14T18:25:09Z

Nothing is more awkward that watching a white Mormon boy from Utah singing a Chris brown song and actually using the word “Boo”…. To much!!

BOO?!?! really.... REALLY?!?!?!?!?

I liked David Archuleta for a while but now I don’t and here’s why: He takes a compliment just like Melinda Doolittle did but no one says anything because he’s “cute”. Last season Melinda lost her chance in the final because everyone said that she was cocky for being humble when she was given a compliment. If you look at a video of her and then David they both act the same way but no one says anything to him.

Ok I’m done ranting and what’s going to happen on Idol is Syesha will get kicked off. But what should happen is one of the David’s should leave just to make it fun!

That is all!

Let's talk...

2008-03-18T01:20:40Z

I feel that I can’t keep this in anymore. All during high school I was very into politics and it may come to shock some of you that I’m a register Republican. Now before you freak out and say I’m insane let it be known that I am a moderate: I vote based on the person and issues not just because there’s a D or R after there name.

Having said that I have decided to make from time to time a post talking about my simple views on politics. I want to start with this whole Obama-Pastor thing. My first impression of this situation was absolute disgust. I don’t get home in time to see the nightly news so it wasn’t until this weekend that I got to hear in detail the most disgusting thing‘s that I have ever heard come from a man that claims to be working for God. Now I don’t care if your black, white, brown there is nothing that you can say to justify someone saying things like the U.S. government gave black people and minor ties AIDS. HELLO?!?!? WTF!!!!!

Next how does this damage Obama himself? I think that he need’s to come out swinging and not act like to barley knows the guy. He was his pastor for over 20 years, married him, and baptized his children but at first acted like he was just some dude he used to have drinks with but doesn’t really know him well. COME ON!!! I just heard that he’s going to make a comment tomorrow morning more than just he disagrees with the man. He needs to find a way of saying that he disagrees with the comments that have been played in the media while being honest about there relationship. Obama’s smart, so I‘ve been told. He’ll figure out a way.

Finally I’m excited to hear that Hill Hill is going to give a speech about race in America. If she’s smart she will not talk about the pastor thing if simply because the media will take care of over playing the story. She need’s to just keep rolling forward, let the media keep talking about it and focus on Pennsylvania. If she ever had a chance to over power the Obama camp this is it. As long as she doesn’t bring it up directly and subtlety throws lines out about judgment and association she can use it.

Ok so there you go, my first political rant. If your going to make a comment please keep in mind that I don’t like to argue but rather would this to be a forum for debate. In other words if your just going to make some smartass rude comment I will delete it (unless it's really funny).

My Dad wants to bone David Archuleta

2008-03-13T00:23:02Z

Now that I clearly have your attention I have to say that I think my dad has a man crush on American Idol’s David Archuleta:

Now granted he is cute and has a decent singing voice, but my dad just wouldn’t shut up about him. He kept saying leading up to him singing “I wonder when he’s going on?” and when they went to the second to last comercial, my dad said “oh there putting the good boy last“. I don’t know what’s worse: my dad not shutting up about him, or the fact that I knew who he was talking about….

But the worse part came when they did that little pre-singing interview. As soon as they introduced him my dad said “Man that’s a cute smile” WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Am I turning my dad gay? Does it spread?

Now for those of you that are watching American Idol, and for those of you that aren’t, I have to say I think I saw one of the WORST performances in the history of Idol or television… EVER. Anyone that knows anything about the Beatles, that includes you Boitano, will find this absolutely horrible: Lennon start rolling my friend

iamjudygarland @ 2008-03-08T15:08:00

2008-03-08T20:20:06Z

I swear to everything dear and holly if I can’t get out of this damn house and get some beer or something to drown out my parents I’m going to fucking lose it. P.S.- If I haven’t told you I’m moving back to Columbus in 2 weeks. ** This has been Judy Garlands Shining moment**

Here's Judy ->

iamjudygarland @ 2008-03-02T15:58:00

2008-03-02T21:01:21Z

**NOTE TO CONCDERNED L.J. FRIENDS** I just got off the phone with Joshua Williams and he has admitted to giving me an STD that has caused my penis to be secreting a thick green discharge that smells a little like potatoes. We are now applying a cream 3 times a day and should be fine in a few weeks.

Thank You.

iamjudygarland @ 2008-03-01T22:35:00

2008-03-02T03:38:20Z

Is it normal for my penis to be secreting a thick green discharge that smells a little like potatoes?

Rocky Horror + Iron to the face= 1st entry of '08

2008-01-28T00:59:32Z

SOOOO...... What a fun past couple of week’s I’ve had and since one of my resolutions was to post more on L.J..... here we go.

First let’s go back a week when you were more than likely in Chicago. Nothing much really happened…..except I talked my brother into watching “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” . Now this may not seem like THAT big of a deal except my brother isn’t your typical run of the mill brother: He served 3 years in the United States Marine Corp. where he served as a sniper in Iraq and he actually didn’t think it was that bad. Thank You Susan Sarandon’s tit’s!

This weekend was much more eventful with a fabulous trip to Dayton Friday night. I was escorted by Jeremy, Eric, Jewberry, Brock and Zach’s Bum. I have to admit Zach’s Bum was the most entertaining person on this trip but I kind of feel bad after I heard that Lisa Lampanelli pounded him into a pulp………. kind of. It was a fun trip filled with lot’s of laugh’s and ended with my face being nearly burnt off by a homicidal Teague armed with a glowing hot iron.

Saturday night I was planning to see the opera “The Magic Flute” with Rob, Jay, Brock and Daniel but with a last minute sell out we were forced to make back up plans. We headed off to Champs for dinner followed by the movie “No Country for Old Men” with Brock and Daniel (Rob and Jay went home to “watch a movie“). I would have to say that “No Country” truly earned it’s 8 Oscar Nominations but I’m very surprised that Tommy Lee Jones wasn’t given more credit for his amazing performance. The film is filled with lot’s of intense moments which makes it a compelling complex thrill ride. I think I’m going to see as many of the Oscar nominated movies as I can in the next few weeks. Let me know if your interested…

Well there you go, my first entry for 2008. I’m going to try and make entries as often as possible but I wouldn’t get your hopes up.

P.S.- I heard this comedian on WNCI and wanted to share it with everyone. My Name is Satan

Who’s Scared of Halloween?!?!?!?!

2007-10-21T23:21:02Z

Well the most over hyped/ promoted event of the year is less than a week away and let me just say I can’t wait for it to be over. I really am excited and I don’t want that to sound like I won’t enjoy the night at hand, but I get way into it. I’ve always had the personality that if I’m going to do something I’m going to do it at 110%. I’ve been shopping for over 4 week’s in preparation and have spent way to much money.

I say all this because I want everyone that has the honor of seeing this show will know that I’ve done all this for you. I’ve spent hours rehearsing, shopping and detoxing to give you what I hope will be one of the most entertaining experience’s of your life. And in return all I ask is for you to open your eye’s, your heart’s, and most of all your wallet’s. I’m serious bitches I expect each and everyone of you to give me money and I don’t mean $1’s and $5’s people I mean serious large dollars. Of course I will take any money you hand or throw at me but if I see you handing me a $20 it will give me a boost that will make me want to push myself that much more.

So put on your costumes, bring your friends, stop by the ATM and head on over to Halloween Vs. Judy Garland which for about 15 minutes will be the greatest show on earth!

SEE YA SATURDAY!!!!!

can you drink if your taking antibiotics?

2007-08-23T02:32:37Z

Well I guess I should do some sort of update since I’m not texting people every night to ask them what there doing. Nothing’s really new with Mama except I think I have strep throat so I don’t know if I’ll be up for the political party on Saturday, but I will try my best.

In other new’s I’m getting excited about my forthcoming birthday extravaganza weekend to celebrate the 22^nd anniversary of the rebirth of Judy Garland in Cincinnati. I’ll be leaving next Friday and coming back Sunday and I can’t wait! If anyone is interested in coming let me know and I’ll give you the details. I’m not sure what all me and a one Mister Eric Teague and The Jewberry will be doing but I’ll bet it’s only legal in Kentucky. If you can’t make it because you play in some stupid softball game, no biggie I’ll be at showtunes Sunday so come party with Mama.

OK that’s about it for my mid-week non drunk rant. (Anyone but Jeremy feel free to answer the question in the subject field.) PEACE

Tales from the Queen City

2007-07-30T01:02:17Z

This weekend I had the honor of visiting one of my all time favorite people in his home town city of Cincinnati- Mister Eric Teague.

After driving the longer than normal journey (2 hours and 45 minutes) I was happy to see his welcoming smile and his HOTTIE friend Sean (aka Jew Berry). Following a quick hello we scooted off to the local fine wine store for some refreshments. A Bottle of Bacardi Lemon later and we were feeling more then good.. We decided that a web video would be appropriate to show the world what they were missing (coming soon).

Upon completing a quick wrap party we headed out only to have Eric leave his key’s in the apartment. Eric, who after a few minutes of pondering, gave up & decided to break into his apartment. After his first "attempt" and a sore shoulder I told him to step aside. But before I did I made absolutely sure that he really wanted me to break it down. Once given the OK I told him he would owe me a drink and 2 shots as payment. He agreed and the door came down.

With cell phone in hand we headed outside to wait for our cab. After waiting for 25 minutes we decided to just hail any cab that came by. 10 minutes later we finally had a cab, only to find out that we were sitting in the very cab that was suppose to pick us up 35 minutes earlier.

Two bad rap song’s later we arrived at our first stop- a cute little martini bar (I think it was call Zero degree’s?). It was ok but I could just feel the attitude in the air so we headed to stop number two- Dock. Now for those of you that have not had the pleasure think Axis beside a stadium where the drag queens do all the dancing and diseases are rapid. To make a long story short, a few rounds later Sean and I ended up making out. Nothing hardcore, but still very enjoyable. Making it back to Eric’s place safely we were sent off to dreamland by the smooth and sexy sound of Sean puking his guts up for about 20 minutes.(I still think he’s hot)

The next day Eric and I capped off a great night’s fun with lunch and great conversation at Dewy’s Pizza before I headed back up to the small town.

I would like to take this time to thank Cincinnati, Sean’s tongue and Eric for such a fun night and hope that we can do it again very soon!

Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting...

2007-07-12T02:21:35Z

So I had a little spill at Axis on Saturday. Let me start by going back over the evening’s events. I met up with J.T. Will, Rob, Jeremy D and his Theater "expert" boy friend at Gallery hop only to have Jeremy and the "expert" make an early departure.

After a few drinks with Rob and JT at Union we were joined by Thomas Arms. After a few more drinks Tommy and I decided to head over to Axis. I hadn’t been there in a blue moon (literally) so we headed over. When we started to run low on booze, I headed off to get us some refills. Upon returning I couldn’t find Tommy so I decided to go to the raised level that over looks the dance floor..... or at least I tried.

As I went up the stairs I slipped on the metal part of the stairs and hit the floor. After getting over the embarrassment I stood and the pain just hit me. Not knowing what it was I headed toward the door to find some light and I couldn’t believe what I saw: my foot was shooting out blood. I had about a quarter sized gash on the bottom of my big left toe. **At this point I’d like to thank Dr. Good for coming to my rescue and playing Doctor with me. THANK YOU!!!** Now 4 day’s later it’s still painful but it’s getting better and I hopefully will be in full working and drinking order for Kendall’s "Peace Out" party. And on that note.....Peace out.

How do you excited in “Ozian”?

2007-07-06T02:52:08Z

I know it’s been forever since I've posted on here, let alone talked to some of you in person. Let me catch you up on what’s going on.

I started my new job at Huntington on Monday and It’s really boring. It isn’t a bad job, it’s just boring. All we do is look at a computer screen and learn about laws that has nothing to do with my department and never will unless I become a lawyer or Donald Trump.

It was nice to have Wednesday off (with pay) and hang out with my dad. We went and saw "Transformers" & let me tell you, it is by far the best action, if not the best overall, movie of this disappointing summer of sequels. There are a couple parts where it’s kinda slows down, but the surprisingly funny script and AMAZING special effects make up for any short coming’s the film has.

Any who that’s about it here in the corn field. I’m going to have a hard time sleeping tonight know that in less than 24 hours I’ll be seeing one of the best Broadway musical’s ever written-

Wicked!

OH and I’m going to be staying down after the show is over, so if anyone has any plans or just want’s to hang out let me know!

Because I'm Bored

2007-07-05T02:36:35Z

1. Judy Is a Punk
2. Judy is a popular puppet show featuring Punch and his wife Judy
3. Judy Is A Dick Slap lyrics performed by Belle & Sebastian
4. Judy is a high-performance, low-memory usage data structure that implements an associative array.
5. Judy is a highly qualified and experienced real estate broker
6. Judy is a "Multimillion Dollar Producer"
7. Judy is a Canadian singer/songwriter with a melodic style that appeals to a variety of listeners
8. Judy is a weird-looking punk chick whose face doesn't fit
9. Judy is a black belt in aikido and founder and chief instructor of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH
10. Judy is a Good Samaritan

A day full of long shafts and balls…..

2007-06-02T17:43:03Z

SO yesterday I went to the memorial tournament not expecting much except some old golfers and Tiger Woods. But my god was I mistaken. I got to meet.....

Mister Adam Scoot. And let me tell you….he’s got me watching the golf channel waiting for an ass shot. Now let me tell me why: First off he’s Australian so right there I’m hooked. Next he’s 6’3 and when he walked by me, I about busted a nut. Finally he’s leading the Memorial Tournament which is one of the biggest tournaments that’s not a major. The winner gets, I think, just over a million dollars. So let’s review: Hot, Tall, Australian, and about to be very rich. YAY GOLF!